Crying Babies, at home, in the car, everywhere

P, my middle child has been diagnosed with what would have been PDD-NOS years ago, now the diagnosis is simply ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) mild (so she's very-high functioning autistic).  With this diagnosis comes SPD/SID (Sensory Processing/Integration Disorder). How our journey towards this diagnosis began, starts with infancy, in particular, her constant screaming over seemingly nothing and our inability to soothe her.

At first she seemed like any normal higher-needs baby, she just liked to be held and comforted, but it turned into being overstimulate by everything and crying constantly.  In particular, the car seat made her totally inconsolable.

She had a Graco SafeSeat1 (similar to the current Graco Snugride 30 and 35, it had a 30lb, 32inch limit on it so I thought I would surely use it until she was a year old--boy was I wrong).  Even with the infant insert in it she cried constantly.

So...what we tried:

We tried with the insert, without the insert, with the strap covers, without the strap covers (nothing aftermarket allowed, only those that came with her seat at the time of purchase). It made no difference with P at all. It did however make our next child, B, much happier to be in the seat without the infant insert and strap covers (check your manual to see if any of the inserts or covers are required).

We also tried having the air cooler and warmer.  Still she cried, though not quite as hard when she was cooler...so we always made sure not to overdress her and keep the car fairly cool, This held especially true for days when she was already upset as she would work up a sweat as soon as the crying and screaming fits started.

The doctor and I tried medicine for colic/gas and reflux, but they did little to help her, though it does seem to help some kids, particularly since infant seats have a sort of  "C" shape to them that makes kids with reflux more uncomfortable, a more upright and "L" shaped convertible helps them normally.

We tried music, white noise (there are phone apps for this), rolling the windows down, me singing, toys that had bells inside a stuffed animal or doll, loveys, etc., all to no avail...still she cried every time she was in the car seat, no matter how tired or close to sleep she was, how awake and happy she was, still she cried.

We tried me sitting in the 3rd row of our van when possible, she already had an 8 year old sister sitting next to her that she could see and who tried desperately to console her.

Next we went with static cling window shades to block the sun, that did help some in the spring and summer, but really, still she cried.

At almost 7 months we decided to try a convertible seat.  I don't know if it had to do with being up higher and seeing out the window more, the age, the more upright seating/"L" position or the fuzzy soft fabric, but we became a better rider at this point. Still, 70% of the time in the seat we were in hysterics...but hey, that 30% of the time reprieve from crying was very welcomed.  Somehow over the next 6 months she slowly cried less and less.

Here's the deal though...I don't think people realize that some kids, regardless of what you do, are going to cry no matter what in the car seat.  All you can do is your best: try anything and everything that's safe.

At the time we were dealing with this the Noggle (review by CSFTL.org) hadn't been released yet.  I think it could have been a very valuable tool for redirecting air around her. I know that if I didn't have a van with rear air/heat I would buy one now to help cool the back of a car or SUV during our hot and humid summers.

Try it all, white noise, music, rolling the windows down, changing the temps, using a noggle, sshshing them, sitting in the back with them, toys that make noise or light up but are still soft and safe for the car, a mirror so they can see you (as long as it's well anchored and couldn't be a hard projectile to hurt your child in an accident--if you threw it at them would it hurt them?), changing how you dress them, a different seat, installing your seat more upright if it allows, or more reclined if it's very upright already, make sure your straps aren't too tight, but are just tight enough to pass the pinch test, swaddle them in their seat, and just know you aren't alone.  Some kids will outgrow it in a few weeks, some a few months, some longer, but as long as they are strapped in correctly and you have places to go, you just go...do plan to make more frequent stops when possible, try to get them sleepy in hopes they'll fall asleep on your journey, and make sure they aren't hungry when you start. There are some essential oils (lavender and sweet orange or roman chammomile) that might be able to help calm your child by placing a drop on a bib or using an in-car diffuser...be careful with essential oils though, make sure what you choose is appropriate for young children.

As for the SPD/ASD, The constant screaming for us, since most things didn't help was mostly sensory related. She didn't like the feel of certain fabrics and would cry incessantly when she wore things that weren't cotton knit.  She didn't like the feel of the motion of the car, she didn't like the snugness of the harness (still doesn't at age 5.5).  Didn't like the bright sun, road noise, or anything near her head.  She doesn't feel temperatures the same way (or pain) that normal children do.  So I think a lot of her stopping the crying was learning how to navigate her world that was so crazy overstimulating to her.

Car Seats!

Why this is such a controversial thing is beyond me. Why is it such a bad thing to do your best to keep your kids safe? I don't understand it...but...to each their own I suppose.

http://thestir.cafemom.com/toddler/113687/rearfacing_car_seats_arent_just

the article above is about the "new" recommendations for rearfacing and boostering (though, really, the new recommendations were released over a year ago, but apparently some sources are just now picking up on it for some reason).

http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/03/21/car.seat.guidelines.parenting/index.html

If you are unsure whether you are using your seat properly, or you have questions you should contact a Child Passenger Safety Technician.  If a person does NOT have this certification they are NOT qualified to inspect your seat...being a police officer, EMT, fireman, or the like does NOT make them qualified, only going to a special class and having been certified makes them qualified. Please make certain if you have someone inspect your seat they are on this list:

https://ssl13.cyzap.net/dzapps/dbzap.bin/apps/assess/webmembers/tool?pToolCode=TAB9&pCategory1=TAB9_CERTSEARCH&Webid=SAFEKIDSCERTSQL

Legally, all children should ride rearfacing until a minimum of 20lbs AND 1 year old--not OR--AND...that means they must be BOTH 20lbs AND 1 year old to forward face...all states have proper use clauses and all forward facing seats for use in the USA state that children must be both 20lbs AND 1 year old to use them...therefore even if you THINK your state doesn't specify this, they really do. Not only is it required to this point, but the new recommendation of age 2 or whenever they outgrow their convertible (not infant) seat is based on data that says it's 500% safer for toddlers/preschoolers to ride rearfacing than forward facing. Rearfacing puts your child's head at the furthest point from impact both in a frontal and rear impact situation, it keeps the head contained within the shell of the seat better which provides better side impact protection, it cradles the head and spine during crashes which helps prevent whiplash and internal decapitation (yes it can and does happen) Babies and toddlers heads are a greater percentage of their overall body and their spines are not fully formed until they are over the age 2, these two things in combination can allow the head to separate from the neck internally in an accident causing death or life-long disability.

My B rearfacing in her Evenflo Symphony 65 (1 year, 22lbs, 30ish inches)

My P rearfacing in her Graco MyRide 65 (22months, 35in, 24lbs)

Here are some links on why you should rearface past one year:
http://www.thecarseatlady.com/car_seats/rear-facing_seats.html
http://www.thecarseatlady.com/car_seats/forward-facing_seats_2.html

http://www.car-safety.org/rearface.html

http://www.nhtsa.gov/ChildSafety/step2

http://carseatblog.com/5168/why-rear-facing-is-better-your-rf-link-guide/

http://www.joelsjourney.org/

http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=180970&highlight=spine+development

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRP7ynNI8mI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psmUWg7QrC8

http://www.carseatsite.com/rf.htm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sssIsceKd6U&

http://myangelsaliandpeanut.tripod.com/id5.html

Is rearfacing when rear ended still safer? Yes it is!

For one thing, only 4% of accidents are rear or rear-offset, two, the head is still further from any point of impact and three, most rear end accidents happen at much lower speeds.

http://carseatnanny.blogspot.com/2012/01/is-rear-facing-safer-when-youre-rear.html

(the above link is one of my favorites for doubters and those who think getting rear ended is a huge risk to rearfacing children)

and here's some interesting reading on positioning your car seat in the vehicle
http://www.carseat.se/rearfacing/position-in-vehicle/

 A, in a booster (10.5, 4'10, 95lbs), and P in her MyRide forward facing (2.5, 29lbs, 38in)

As for boostering, the bare minimum is 4 years old and 40lbs (this is the law--they must be BOTH in Louisiana) but most aren't ready until 6-7 years old...many people also want to move into this milestone too quickly...why? Well, again, I'm not sure. Most I've met say it's "easier" to not have to buckle their harness. I, for one, don't find this to be true at all. With a harnessed seat you have to buckle it, or at least check that your child buckled it correctly--correctly being that the harness is tight enough (you shouldn't be able to pinch any slack in the straps at the shoulders or the hips), that it's not twisted anywhere, that all the buckles are tightly latched and don't come undone by pulling on them (you should check your installation each time too, and I will admit that I'm guilty of not always doing that)...with a booster you may have to help your child buckle it because they can't reach the buckle or can't press tightly enough to properly latch it, then you have to make sure it's pulled tight at the thigh/hip, you need to make sure it's sitting properly on the shoulder (not under the arm, not behind the back, not riding up on the neck--all these things are dangerous and could be deadly), and if you have a squirmy child who is reluctant to sit upright properly then you may need to go a step further and pull the belt all the way out and force it to "lock" so that they can't lean too far and get out of position....how is all that easier than the harness?

Here is some info on why to keep your child harnessed longer:

In order for a booster to be used safely, the child must sit properly at all times. The shoulder belt must remain on the shoulder to keep the child's upper body contained, and the lap belt needs to stay low on the child's lap in order to prevent abdominal and spinal injuries. If a child cannot maintain proper position in a booster, the adult may find herself constantly reminding the child to sit still. This is frustrating for both the child and the parent. Putting a wiggly or impulsive child in a booster means you're taking safety out of the parents' hands and placing it in the hands of a child who's too immature to handle such responsibility.

A 5 point harness spreads crash forces over larger areas and provides more points of restraint than a 3 point lap/shoulder belt (a 2 point lap only belt should never be used for anything other than harnessed restraint installation). Because of this a harness is more likely to keep a child contained in and protected by the seat in a side impact or rollover.

A 5 point harness is also better for children who sleep in the car as it provides greater support and maintains the child in proper position.

In 3-across situations a harnessed seat is generally easier to buckle than a booster

Here are some links about why you should continue to harness children instead of moving them to a booster:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G59s3PjcntQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2LFo8vVi04

http://www.kyledavidmiller.org/

And moving out of a booster? This too gets me. Seatbelts are NOT made for children, they are made to safely secure a 5'10, 180lb male, as are airbags (and Louisiana state law says they must be BOTH 6 years of age AND 60lbs to ride with no booster seat). Children's hips don't form the illiac crest until they are over 6 years of age, this crest is the part of the hip that should hold your seatbelt low and under the belly, over the legs so that your belt can protect you, without this then the belt rides up on the belly....some children are also so thin that even at 6 they don't have enough bulk in the legs to make the belt ride properly. And, since most children aren't tall enough until they are at least 8, many not until closer to 12 years of age, for the seatbelt to ride across the chest/shoulder, many things have to be considered.

Here's a 5-step test to see if your child is ready to ride without a booster seat:

http://thecarseatlady.blogspot.com/2010/05/5-step-test-your-way-to-know-if-child.html

And YES, car seats do expire.  Why? Well, plastic degrades over time. If you think about plastic toys, when they are exposed to sunlight, heat, cold, moisture, etc, they get brittle and crack easily. Plastic stresses and warps. Straps and fabrics fray and rip. Instruction manuals get lost or destroyed. Important instructional labels fade, tear or fall off completely. Also, the expiration date is the latest time the company will stand by their product to issue recalls, test safety, etc. Your manufacturer may no longer stock replacement manuals and parts. Maybe the company has gone out of business entirely  There are also changing standards and tests they might not pass now as safety standards get more rigorous. Car seat technology is always evolving, as are vehicles' ability to secure seats properly and consistently. Before 2002, Lower Anchor & Tethers for Children (LATCH) did not exist. Now it's a common system by which car seats are installed.

Most seats expire approximately 6 years after manufacture.  There is a date on most seats stamped into the seat, and this information should also be available in your manual or by contacting the manufacturer of your seat.